i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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