HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
