lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
