I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
