True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
