So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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