i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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