dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
