Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
