i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
