Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Who died my cat blue again?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
