I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
