She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
