no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
