Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
