yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
