I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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