So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
