i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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