Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
this is an emotional support booty call
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
