maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
