Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
