this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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