Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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