I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There are leaves in my underwear?
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