he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
