Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
