me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
