when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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