you traded sex for a burrito?
she told me i tasted like america
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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