hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize