My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
