And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
