Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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