i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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