I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
