Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
