I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
