Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
should my penis look like a turkey
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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