Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
