So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
