When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
