You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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