Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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