How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
