I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
