im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
