I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
be right there i have to get my cape
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
