I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
