It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
