After last night, I could never be a politician.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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