i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
