He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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