You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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