Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
