it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
