in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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