Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
