BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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