I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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