I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
