Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
