I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
