If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
