and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize