i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
