i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
