at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
