she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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