if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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