I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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