You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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