Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
