girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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