Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
