I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize