Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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