When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
