Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Acid is not a monday night drug
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You can't just leave with hair like that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
