guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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